At many West African weddings, one woman seems to be everywhere at once: greeting guests, checking the food, fixing the bride’s veil and dancing. She is the mother of the bride.
The traditional ceremony
In the traditional marriage, the bride’s mother is often closely involved in receiving the groom’s family, checking the items presented, and preparing the bride to be brought out. In many families, she receives specific gifts, such as cloth or money, as a sign of respect for raising the bride.
Before and on the day
The mother of the bride often helps with planning, from choosing fabrics and caterers to coordinating relatives. She may host family meetings and help the bride prepare emotionally. Couples should agree early on how much involvement they want, to avoid conflict. A mother’s enthusiasm is a gift, but the couple should keep the final say.
She is often with the bride in the morning, helping her dress. At the church, she may be escorted to a front seat before the bride’s entrance. At the reception, she is usually seated at a place of honour and acknowledged by the MC.
Her outfit and support
Mothers of the bride and groom often wear matching or coordinated outfits in the wedding colours, sometimes in lace, kente or other fine fabrics, with a gele or head wrap. Her outfit should be elegant and comfortable, suitable for a long day. Book her own makeup and hair appointments and include her in the timeline.
Weddings can be emotional for parents. Assign a relative or friend to help her with practical tasks so she can enjoy the day. Thank her publicly in speeches, and make time for a quiet moment with her before the ceremony.
When she is absent
If the bride’s mother has died or cannot attend, an aunt, grandmother or other woman may take on the role. Many couples honour a late mother with a photo, a moment of silence or a special song. The groom’s mother also plays a key role, and both mothers should be honoured equally to avoid tension.
The bride is the centre of attention. For many mothers, the day is the end of one chapter and the start of another, and they deserve a moment to feel it.
