Much is written about the mother of the bride. The groom’s mother often gets less attention, even though she may have been preparing for her son’s wedding for years. In Ghanaian and Nigerian families, she has a real role in the traditional ceremonies and the celebration, and including her well can set the tone for the couple’s relationship with her.
At the knocking and engagement
The groom’s family leads the knocking and the traditional marriage. His mother is usually part of the delegation, alongside his father and senior relatives. She may help prepare the list items, the drinks and the gifts for the bride’s family. Ask her early how she would like to be involved.
Choosing her outfit
The groom’s mother often wears the family cloth chosen for the groom’s side, or an outfit that complements the wedding colours. Some families coordinate the outfits of both mothers so they look harmonious in photographs. Talk to her about colours and style early so she has time to sew her outfit.
At the church
The groom’s parents usually sit in the front row on the groom’s side. Some couples ask both mothers to light candles, read a passage or take part in a blessing. These small roles are meaningful.
At the reception
Seat the groom’s mother at or near the high table, according to your family’s protocol. The MC should acknowledge her when introducing families. Some couples include a short dance with both mothers.
Avoiding tension
Tension sometimes arises between the bride and the groom’s mother over decisions, guest lists or traditions. The groom has a key role here. He should communicate with his own mother, explain decisions and protect his partner from unnecessary conflict.
Respect her traditions
If the groom’s family comes from a different ethnic group or region than the bride’s, his mother may expect certain customs. Learning about them and including some shows respect.
Her guest list
Like the bride’s mother, the groom’s mother may want to invite friends and church members. Agree on numbers for each family early to keep the guest list fair.
Thank her
Mention her in speeches and consider a small gift. Many groom’s mothers spend money and time on the wedding without much recognition.
After the wedding
The relationship between a wife and her mother-in-law matters long after the wedding. Starting with respect and openness during the planning makes the years that follow easier.
The wedding is the day her son becomes someone’s husband. Giving his mother a clear, honoured place in it costs little and is remembered for a long time.
