The amount is often small, sometimes surprisingly so. In many Igbo families, the bride price itself is a token, while the list of items for the family and kinsmen can cost much more. The payment, known in many communities as ime ego, is a central step in the traditional marriage. It is not a purchase. It is a sign that the groom’s family has formally asked for, and been granted, the bride’s hand.
What it means and the negotiation
The bride price symbolises respect for the bride’s family and the formal joining of two families. Without it, many Igbo families do not regard the marriage as complete. The groom’s family, led by elders, meets the bride’s family to discuss the bride price. The negotiation can be playful, with the bride’s family naming a high figure before settling.
In many families, the final amount is modest, and some return part of the money to show that their daughter is not for sale.
The list and the umunna
Separate from the bride price is the marriage list, which may include drinks, goats, yams, cloth, jewellery and gifts for the bride’s mother, father and kinsmen. The umunna, the men of the bride’s lineage, play a key role in the negotiation and receive some items. Customs vary widely between Igbo communities and states. Some lists are long; others are short.
The bride price is usually settled before the igba nkwu, the wine-carrying ceremony where the bride publicly identifies her husband. Some couples question large lists and push for simpler customs, while still respecting the bride price.
The law, divorce and who pays
Customary marriages in Nigeria can be recognised under customary law, and many couples also hold church or registry weddings. In some traditions, the return of the bride price is connected to the dissolution of a customary marriage. Couples living abroad often travel home for the bride price ceremony or send representatives. Ask elders about local expectations early, budget for the list and agree roles within the family.
Approach the negotiation with patience and good humour. The groom usually pays, supported by his family. The bride price can be counted in naira, but its meaning cannot. When it is paid and accepted, two families have agreed to become one.
