At the most important moment of an Igbo traditional wedding, the bride walks into a crowd holding a cup of palm wine and has to find the man she is marrying.
This is igba nkwu, the wine carrying. Her father hands her a cup of palm wine and tells her to give it to the man she has chosen. Guests try to distract her, men offer their hands, and the groom often hides among the crowd. When she finds him, she kneels and offers him the cup. He drinks, in many communities she sips after him, and the crowd erupts.
A long process before the party
Igba nkwu is the celebration at the end of a series of steps. The process usually starts with the groom and his father visiting the bride’s family to announce their intention, called iku aka, “knocking on the door”. The families then meet more formally, and the bride’s family inquires into the groom’s family, and vice versa, to make sure there is nothing that would prevent the marriage.
The bride price is negotiated and paid, often symbolically, and the groom’s family receives a list of items to bring to the bride’s extended family. Only when those steps are complete does the wine carrying take place, usually at the bride’s family compound in her home town.
What the list includes
The list varies from community to community, and the bride’s family gives it to the groom’s family in advance. It commonly includes drinks such as palm wine, beer, soft drinks and spirits; kola nuts; goats or other livestock; tobacco and snuff for elders; wrappers and other cloth; and gifts for different groups in the family, such as the women, the young men and the kinsmen. Some communities have long lists, others short ones, and many families adapt them.
The dance and the money
After the wine is shared, the couple dance together, and guests spray them with money. Friends of the bride dance with her, and she may change outfits several times during the day. The groom’s friends often protect the couple, collecting the money into bags as it falls.
The bride commonly wears a wrapper and blouse, coral beads around her neck and wrists, and sometimes an elaborate headpiece. The groom wears an isiagu, the Igbo top patterned with lion heads, with a red cap, and carries a walking stick or fan. Their families may coordinate colours with aso-ebi.
Why the palm wine matters
Palm wine is central to Igbo hospitality and ritual, and it appears at many important events. In igba nkwu, it becomes the sign of the bride’s choice. By giving the cup to the groom, she is publicly accepting him before her family and community. The father’s instruction, “go and give it to your husband”, marks the moment her own family releases her into her husband’s family.
A ceremony that travels
Igbo communities around the world stage igba nkwu, from Lagos and Abuja to London and Houston, often importing palm wine or substituting another drink. The core stays the same: the cup, the search, the kneeling and the first sip.
The search takes a few minutes at most. The families have spent months arranging everything that leads up to it, and the whole compound waits for the kneel.
