At a Yoruba traditional engagement, the bride and groom are not in charge. Two women with microphones are.
They are the alaga, the masters of ceremonies who direct the whole event. The alaga iduro, the “standing” alaga, represents the groom’s family. The alaga ijoko, the “sitting” alaga, represents the bride’s family. Between them, they turn a formal family agreement into hours of song, banter, negotiation and theatre.
Why one stands and one sits
The names describe their positions. The bride’s family is the host, seated and receiving. The groom’s family arrives as visitors seeking something, so their spokeswoman stands. The alaga ijoko leads from the bride’s side, questioning the visitors, and the alaga iduro answers for the groom’s side, pleading, praising and paying.
Good alagas are professionals. They are hired for their knowledge of Yoruba customs, their command of proverbs and praise poetry, their singing and their ability to keep a crowd laughing. Many families book a well-known alaga months ahead.
How the day unfolds
The groom’s family arrives and is kept waiting at the entrance until the alaga ijoko lets them in, often after a playful “fee” is paid. Inside, they present themselves formally to the bride’s family.
The groom and his friends then prostrate, lying flat on the floor before the bride’s parents and elders to show respect. This moment is a crowd favourite. The alaga ijoko may ask them to prostrate more than once, and sometimes demands money before letting them rise.
A letter of proposal from the groom’s family is read aloud, and a reply from the bride’s family, the letter of acceptance, is read in turn. These letters are often written with great formality and kept by the families afterwards.
The bride’s entrance
The bride does not appear at the start. When she is finally brought out, dancing in with her friends, she kneels before her parents for their blessing, then before the groom’s parents. She is often asked to find her husband in the crowd, and she places a cap, the fila, on his head as a sign of acceptance.
The engagement items
The groom’s family presents the items on the engagement list given by the bride’s family. These traditionally include yams, kola nuts, bitter kola, alligator pepper, honey, salt, drinks, fabric, jewellery, a Bible or Quran, and a box of clothing and accessories for the bride. Many families today keep the list short, and some return part of the gifts or the bride price as a sign that they are not selling their daughter.
Aso-ebi and the colours
Guests from each family often wear aso-ebi, matching fabric in the families’ chosen colours. The couple change outfits at least once, and the bride’s gele, the head tie, is a centrepiece of the photographs.
By the end of the day, the alaga ijoko will have extracted more money from the groom’s side than anyone planned, and the alaga iduro will have made sure it was paid with a smile. That is the job, and families pay well for alagas who do it best.
