The groom arrives with a group of his friends, all dressed in matching agbada or buba and sokoto with caps tilted at a confident angle. The alaga, the mistress of ceremonies, calls them forward. On her signal, the men drop to the floor and lie flat before the bride’s parents and elders, foreheads close to the ground. Guests cheer, cameras flash and the elders smile. This is the idobale, the prostration of the groom and his friends, one of the best-loved moments of the Yoruba traditional engagement.
What idobale means and the alaga
In Yoruba culture, men greet elders by prostrating, lying flat or bending low, as a sign of respect. At an engagement, the groom’s prostration shows humility before the family whose daughter he wishes to marry. The groom usually brings a group of male friends who prostrate with him. Their matching outfits and energy add to the spectacle.
The ceremony is directed by two alaga: the alaga ijoko, who represents the bride’s family, and the alaga iduro, who represents the groom’s. They guide the proceedings, joke, negotiate and sometimes ask the groom’s party to prostrate more than once.
Gifts and the bride's entrance
The groom may be asked to prostrate several times, before the bride’s parents, other elders and family members. Each time, the alaga may tease him playfully. The groom’s family presents gifts listed by the bride’s family, which may include yams, kola nuts, honey, fabrics, a Bible or Quran and other items. After the prostration and gift presentation, the bride enters, often dancing with her friends. She kneels before her parents for their blessing.
The groom’s friends often wear matching outfits, and the families wear aso ebi chosen for the occasion.
Practice, photos and fun
Some grooms practise their prostration beforehand, especially if they are not used to the custom. A smooth, confident prostration earns applause. The prostration is one of the most photographed moments of the day, so make sure your photographer is ready. Although the custom expresses deep respect, it is also full of humour and celebration. A Yoruba groom may spend a large sum on gifts for his in-laws. The moment the family remembers best is usually the one that cost nothing: him lying flat on the floor in front of them.
