Many couples now write their own vows, and it can be the most moving moment of the ceremony. For African couples, there is a rich source of inspiration close to home: the proverbs, languages and family stories you grew up with. Here is how to write wedding vows that reflect your culture without losing the personal touch.
Check with your officiant
First, ask your church, mosque or officiant whether personal vows are allowed and how they fit with the required words. Many churches ask couples to say the traditional vows and then add a personal statement. Agree the length in advance.
Use a proverb
African proverbs carry centuries of wisdom about love, patience and partnership. A single proverb, explained in a sentence, can anchor your vows. Choose one your family uses, or ask an elder for one about marriage. Translate it for guests who do not speak the language.
Speak your language
Saying even one line in Twi, Yoruba, Igbo, Swahili, Zulu or another mother tongue can move older relatives deeply. You might open in English and close with a promise in your language. If your partner does not speak it, a line learnt by heart in their partner’s language is a beautiful gesture.
Include praise names and family
In many cultures, praise names and clan names carry pride and history. A respectful mention of your partner’s clan or family name, or a thank-you to the families who raised you, honours the communal spirit of African marriage.
Keep the structure simple
- Open: a memory of how you met or when you knew.
- Promise: three or four specific, honest commitments.
- Close: a proverb, a line in your language or a blessing.
One to two minutes is plenty. Shorter vows are easier to say without your voice breaking.
Practise and print
Read your vows aloud several times before the day. Print them on a small card or in a vow booklet rather than reading from your phone. Give a copy to the officiant or best man in case you forget yours.
Balance the humour
A little humour relaxes everyone, but keep inside jokes to a minimum, and remember that grandparents, pastors and in-laws are listening. The best vows make guests smile and then make them cry. If you are also giving a reception speech, see our tips on the groom’s speech.
Wedding vows: common questions
How long should wedding vows be?
One to two minutes each is a good length for personal wedding vows. Read more about marriage vows.
Can we include our languages in our wedding vows?
Yes. Many couples say a line in their mother tongue or include a proverb, then repeat it in English for guests.
Do personal vows replace legal vows?
No. Many ceremonies still require set words to make the marriage legal, so check with your officiant.
