You love both your parents, but they may not want to share a table, a pew or a photo. Planning a wedding when your parents are divorced or separated can bring old tensions to the surface. With early conversations and clear plans, the day can still be peaceful.
Talk early
Speak to each parent separately, well before the invitations go out. Tell them how you hope the day will go and ask about any worries they have.
Set expectations
Be clear that the day is about your marriage. Ask both parents to keep any disagreements away from the ceremony and reception, even if only for one day.
Seating in church
If the parents get along, they can sit together in the front pew. If not, seat one parent in the front row and the other in the second, or on opposite sides with their own families.
Who walks the bride?
A father, mother, both parents, a step-father or an uncle can walk the bride down the aisle. Decide what feels right and explain your choice kindly to anyone who might be hurt.
The traditional marriage
In Ghanaian and Nigerian customary marriages, families play formal roles. Speak to elders early about who will receive the groom’s family, accept the items and speak for the bride’s side. Many families find a respectful arrangement.
Step-parents
If a parent has remarried, think about how to include the step-parent without upsetting the other parent. A corsage, a special seat or a mention in the programme can show respect.
Reception seating
Give each parent their own table with their close family and friends if they would be uncomfortable together. Place both tables at a similar distance from the couple.
Speeches
Decide who will speak. Both parents can give short speeches, or one can speak while the other offers a prayer or blessing.
Photos
Tell your photographer about the situation so they can plan separate family photos. Share a shot list with names.
Dances
If you plan a parent dance, you might dance with each parent in turn, or invite all parents onto the floor at once.
Have a buffer
Ask a trusted friend, sibling or the planner to keep an eye on things and step in calmly if tension rises.
Look after yourself
Family tension can be tiring. Share the load with your partner, and remember that you are not responsible for how your parents feel about each other.
Focus on the love
Many divorced parents set aside their differences for their child’s wedding. Whatever happens, keep your attention on the reason everyone is there: the start of your marriage.
