Cathal Cully proposed to Rebecca Wilson at a family Christmas party, with help from Santa Claus. Not a man in a rented suit, but a personalized video message from a Cameo booking, a small absurdist touch that fits a couple who have spent their entire wedding planning process quietly rewriting the rulebook. The pair met on Plenty of Fish over ten years ago. They have spent more than a decade together, and their path to the altar has been shaped by something most wedding magazines never mention: both are late diagnosed as neurodivergent, and both are planning a day built around how their brains actually operate.
Cully is autistic. He was also diagnosed with ADHD as a child, though it later became clear that original diagnosis was not quite right. Wilson received her own ADHD diagnosis around six months ago and is currently waiting on paperwork for an autism assessment. For couples in a similar position, the standard advice about timelines, seating charts and vendor calls often misses the mark entirely. The pair have shared their experience publicly, and their approach offers a practical template for anyone planning a wedding while autistic, ADHD, or both.
The couple found that neurodivergence sometimes sped things up. "We had an itinerary written out with prices, timelines, what we were doing and how we were going to do it, and we put down a lot of deposits quite quickly," Cully explained, crediting the intense focus that arrives when something genuinely matters. For Wilson, ADHD brought a different hurdle: tracking the sheer volume of moving parts. Emails, phone calls, supplier updates and remembering which stage each booking had reached all added up fast. Her advice is to build systems early rather than trying to hold everything in your head. A shared spreadsheet or planning app, with clear columns for what is booked, what is paid and what is still outstanding, can remove a huge amount of pressure.
A recurring theme in their planning has been setting aside traditions that do not actually suit them. They are having four bridesmaids and three groomsmen instead of matching numbers. Two flower girls and three page boys ensure every niece and nephew gets involved. Cully will wear a silicone wedding ring rather than a traditional metal band, because he finds the feel of metal uncomfortable. None of these are dramatic changes, but they matter. Wilson noted that people often assume changing things for sensory reasons means stripping out the fun entirely, picturing a silent disco instead of a proper party. That is not the case. "We still want the music, dancing and atmosphere at the end of the night. We just want to make it a little less overwhelming," she said.
In practice, their sensory considerate wedding comes down to a few clear choices. Guest numbers are capped at around 80 to 100 close family and friends, keeping the atmosphere calmer. Lighting will be lower and noise reduced where possible, with a quiet room available throughout the day for anyone, guest or couple, who needs a break. Guests will receive a clear itinerary so nobody is left wondering if there is time to check into a room or freshen up before photos. Wilson is skipping fake tan and traditional heels in favour of cowboy boots or Converse, matching their venue's rustic style. They have also included an accessibility form for all guests, not just neurodivergent ones, but anyone with a visual or physical disability, hidden or otherwise, who might need a small accommodation on the day.
The entertainment has been rethought as well. Instead of a traditional DJ handover, they have booked one act, Scruffy Duffy, who plays through the meal and into the evening before finishing at midnight, after which the couple's own playlist takes over. Guests who are ready for bed can slip away without the night feeling like it is supposed to keep going. The couple have been upfront with every supplier about what they need, and the response has been overwhelmingly positive. Their venue, Seagrave Barns, told them plainly that it is their day and they will accommodate whatever they can. Celebrant Vanessa Cooney has built the ceremony around what feels meaningful to the couple, including a handfasting, rather than what is traditionally expected.
Their advice for other couples is direct. Be honest with suppliers early. Build a simple tracking system for bookings and deadlines. Give yourselves and your guests permission to step away from the party if it gets overwhelming. Say no to traditions that do not serve you. Uneven numbers, unconventional rings and non traditional ceremonies are all completely valid. Sit down together without outside opinions in the room and get clear on what you both actually want before you start booking. And remember you do not owe anyone an explanation for every decision. As Cully put it, "It's your wedding and you have to create a day that works for you."
Cully and Wilson are also the founders of Different Minds, Same Heart, a campaign raising awareness around autism, ADHD and late diagnosis, born out of their own experience and a wish to challenge some of the stigma around it. Their wedding will double as a real world example of what sensory considerate celebrations can look like. The couple have not yet shared a date, but the planning itself is already a case study in how to build a wedding that fits the people in it, rather than forcing the people to fit the wedding.
According to Weddings Online.
